Daily Etiquette Lesson

There's a handy little buzzphrase going around the world these days. It's called "cultural sensitivity". Let's discuss, shall we?

I understand that what is considered proper, improper, rude, complimentary, etc. varies from culture to culture, and society to society. It would behoove all of us, as a global society, to remember that. I'm not talking about what our world leaders do; I'm just talking about the daily interactions with people who share our daily life. For example, waving to a stranger in Texas is considered polite - for example, the two finger "wave" that you do from your steering wheel to a passing car in a smaller town - that's just a nice thing to do. Try that in New York, and they are liable to kick your ass before putting you in a straight jacket.

Here in Malaysia, we have tried to be polite and acclimate ourselves to the culture here. We point with our thumb, not our finger. I don't run around in my dazzey dukes and my tube top here. Not that I'd do that anywhere (especially when the damn things are always at the dry cleaners), but I do try to dress a bit more modestly here, just because that's how it's done. Cultural sensitivity.

So, quid pro quo, here are a few points I'd like to make about what are considered inappropriate questions to ask Americans (or generally, any Westerners):

1. It is not okay for people to ask how much money we make. This is considered impolite. Ditto for how much large ticket items cost.

I can't tell you how many times we are dropped off by a cab driver who comments, "Oh, nice place. How much does it cost?" Now, I know that the driver, by asking this, is probably just being complimentary, but it's still uncomfortable. We typically respond with "We don't know, our company pays for it." It's much more polite than responding with "Well, that's actually none of your business is it?" Point being, I don't even know how much my sister's monthly mortgage payment is, and we're blood. If she wanted to tell me, fine, but I'm certainly not going to ask. Money issues are definitely a gray area to comment on to Westerners.

2. It's not okay to comment on someone's weight gain. EVER.

I understand that in some cultures, being a bit round is considered a sign of prosperity, or being taken care of well. That's great. I don't think that's the case in Malaysia, though, so I don't get the ease in which people will comment about someone else's weight. It can easily hurt someone's feelings.

I mean, first, there were the pregnancy pooch comments in Florida (from an American no less), then last week a colleague told me that, last time she saw me, I was much slimmer. Then, this week two of M's local colleagues asked him if I was pregnant. He said, "Uh, no. Why?" "Because she looks pudgier lately." M told me this today, and it was the thing, that one thing that sends someone like me, running at a generally high level of stress, that one thing that sends me into a feeling sorry for myself crying jag. In fact, M even told his colleague, "You know, if she knew that you had said that, it would probably make her cry." He was right. So I had my boo hoo fit and now I'm over being sad about it. Now I've moved onto Cultural Sensitivity Training 101, via the blogophere.

This brings me to my last point.

3. Don't ask if someone is pregnant.

This is especially bad, because, what if they aren't? If we are pregnant, and we want you to know, we'll tell you. Otherwise, my uterus is my business.

So, since I no longer wear my assless chaps around town, can you please not comment about how fat I look in them? Deal? Deal.