There's No Way This Just Happened

Last night, I went out for dinner with my colleagues. I changed clothes beforehand, and wore was I affectionately call my "pregnant dress". I explained to them how I have to concentrate on sucking in when I wear it, lest the other restaurant patrons give me dirty looks for being knocked up and sucking on a Bud Light. We had a good chuckle, and that was that.

This morning, the same group of people and I were waiting in the hotel lobby to leave for the office. One on my colleagues looked at me and said "Are you sure you're not pregnant?" My brain short circuits a bit as I begin to try to determine why she might think that's the case. The self consciousness takes root in the second or two before the next thing happens. She then reached over and patted my stomach fat and said, "It looks like you have a little pregnant pooch!" WHAT. THE. FUCK. Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck. That so did not just happen.

Now, I'll freely admit that I have been enjoying my fair share of our restaurant dinners on this trip. I'll give you the fact that I've gained a bit of weight since we moved. I've even go so far as to say that my bad posture and genetic predisposition to gaining weight in my stomach might have something to do with it. (THANKS MOM. I could have gained weight in my boobs and butt instead, and then would have been able to tell the colleague that I don't think she's ready for this jelly, but instead I inherited the stomach pooch and the digestive issues. Score!)

She knows I'm not pregnant, so I have no idea what would give her the idea to make this comment. My wheels started spinning as soon as I heard the words (and felt the pat). I've been drinking all week, so what do you think? Oh God, I really need to improve my posture. Shit, I need to work out. And so on. I wouldn't say I was mad, because I know this woman, and she is always polite and personable, so this comment was kind of out of left field. I'm more bewildered by it. I'm always of the mindset that unless either the woman has shared with you that she is pregnant, or you see a baby actually emerging from her at that moment, then you keep it zipped on any pregnancy comments. Oh yeah, and unless you are a blood relative, or my husband, you do not get to touch the fat. No touching of the fat.

So, my reaction wasn't anger, but more so that I was torn between laughing at the sheer audacity of it and crying about it. I can't believe that a small part of me is weepy over it, but someone telling you that you look pregnant when you're not is a little damaging to your self esteem.

At least she didn't jiggle the fat. Then I would have had to open up a can on her.