Saturday, April 5, 2008

It's Not Just My Uterus That's Irritable

I am slowly getting settled in back home. M arrives tomorrow which should help things a lot. It’s a bit frustrating because I have a list a mile long of things that I need to get done, except that I have to really try not to overdo it, and so I have to parcel it out, depending on how I feel each day. Good days earn me perhaps a trip to Target AND the dry cleaners. Bad days earn me a spot on the couch.

My uterus is still bitchy. I suppose the correct term for it is “irritable” but whatever. She’s bitchy. So am I. While I love being back home and have a tendency to get all rose-colored glasses about it (Oh look, bluebonnets! Oh, aren’t the grocery store checkers so nice here! And other truly bizarre random observations...), I am also reminded of the simple fact that helped me have so much objectivity while living in KL and pining for the US. That fact is: There are assholes everywhere. So I tend to swing from “Oh the US is so wonderful!” to “What in the hell is so great about it?” I’m having a hard time biting my tongue at rude people, and I’m ready for M to get here so he can save me from getting my ass kicked for popping off at the wrong person. Note to self: Houston is not KL. People are confrontational here, and some of them carry guns and/or are not above bitch-slapping a pregnant chick.

I’m now 31 weeks, and each week that passes is a good thing. Having dodged many of the more common pregnancy ailments thus far, some of the later pregnancy symptoms are kicking in at this point:

- The swelling, she has arrived. I don’t have the dreaded cankles yet, but the wedding ring no longer fits.
- Shaving is next to impossible, and my poor bikini area is sorely neglected, which is making me insane. However, in order for me to get close to it with a razor blade, I have to be able to SEE it. That’s an area that I find unwise to guess at with a sharp object.
- I leak. And not just when I laugh either. Damn, that's sexy. Should’ve done the Kegels.
- First trimester mood swings can’t hold a candle to third trimester mood swings. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT.
- The weight gain is coming on fast and furious. As in, six pounds in two weeks. Now, some of it is because of the swelling and some of it is because I hit the US right at the time that weight gain really picks up (at least I am clinging to those two excuses), but you and I both know that it’s because, although Char Kway Teow is yummy, it’s not nearly as good as Girl Scout Cookies, Easter candy and Marble Slab.